4 Reasons Why Self-Care isn’t Selfish: Insights from a Self-Esteem Therapist

As a Self-Esteem Therapist, I find that it is normal for new clients, or anyone new to the idea of taking care of themselves is to ask this question: "Is self-care selfish?"

It's one of the most significant barriers for caretaking self-neglecting folks struggler with because the idea of taking care of yourself (especially when you can be taking care of others instead) is foreign and ultimately threatening. 

Fundamentally, taking care of yourself can be "selfish" when you feel like you need to be meeting the demands and needs of others. 

So is self-care selfish? RESOUNDINGLY NO.
I mean, this isn't a surprise to many, but WHY is it not selfish?

WHY is caring for myself not selfish?

I will explore my top reasons for why self-care is not selfish.

Self-Esteem Therapist Reason #1:You can't take care of others without yourself.

This point is the most common reason why people advocate for self-care. The idea is to have your cup filled before you give it to others. 

Look, when you are operating on an empty cup, you find yourself irritated, tired, and at the worst resentful. Resentment is a sign of caretaking burnout, and it is dangerous. At the worst, you can even harm the people who care about you and lead to toxic and controlling behaviors.

Taking care of yourself means filling your "cup" up first, even when people may "need" you.

And I understand that sometimes circumstances and socioeconomics make this challenging to do. But it does not have to be lavish nor time-consuming. Simple activities like practicing mindfulness, going on walks, eating well, or exercising are all self-care activities that are accessible. 

Self-Esteem Therapist Reason #2: Taking care of others is not your sole purpose in life

Helpers, pleasers, and anxiously attached people find their purpose and identity in helping others. 

I get it.

It feels great to be helpful and to get affirmation for what you do for others. However, if it becomes your only sense of who you are, it becomes easy to become resentful when the affirmation stops or when you start feeling being taken advantage of. 

There is more to life than meeting others' needs, and when this becomes unbalanced, you start to neglect your dreams and desires.

A healthy life requires pursuing your desires while using your giftings and skills to help others. 

Self-Esteem Therapist Reason #3: Self-care Leads to Better Care for Others.

Let me be clear, exhausted, burned-out care providers do not make great care providers. 

I know as a therapist how I do not do my best work as an exhausted and disinterested person. This builds off the first point where you can care for someone only when your cup is filled.

When you do not take care of yourself, you may still be able to go through the motions, but you lose access to resources and energy to make what you do better. The ability to connect with others and being creative are lost when your cup is empty.

Your our creative ideas and ability to do what we do better in those moments where you feel refreshed and cared for.

Self-Esteem Therapist Reason #4: Self-care Acknowledges our Humanity

When you take care of yourself, you are ultimately engaging in a practice of realizing your limitations, needs and wants. This means that you acknowledge that you are human and not just a caregiver or pleaser. 

When you realize that you are human with limitations and needs, it changes how you interact with others. 

You no longer see yourself as a person that only fixes or cares but one that needs to be cared for. This ultimately levels the playing field in your human interactions where you see others not as beneath you needing care but as others who can care for you. 

It allows you to easily be authentic, and vulnerable which is the building block of healthy connections with others. 

Get to the Roots of Your Self-Esteem Issues. See a Self-Esteem Therapist Today

These are all my reasons why self-care is NOT selfish. It allows for you to care for others while at the same time acknowledging your humanity, vulnerability, and needs. 

However, I understand that there can be many internal barriers to embracing self-care. Seeking professional help such as a therapist can help you address these internal barriers and be the first step you can take to engage in good self-care. As a Self-Esteem Therapist, I help adults who struggle with setting boundaries, expressing themselves, feeling good about themselves find the freedom and strength they are needing. Schedule a free consultation with me to learn more about how we can work together to improve your self-esteem.